"to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." ~Isaiah 61:3
My childhood was not the easiest. I don't mention this for any sort of pity. The path I've been given has paved the way for the ministry I am to be involved in. It has moulded my heart for children in a way I could never describe in words. For this, oh how I praise Him!
But this journey has also left scars and deep wounds.
Wounds that only He has been able to heal.
I have self governed my life, for most of my life. It has been survival in sort of a sense...I felt the need to protect myself from being hurt. No one was going to hurt me anymore. My heart, callused. I could only depend on me. I never let anyone get too close and this included my husband. For years I kept him at arms reach away. Always guarding my heart. I've felt hurt enough. Our marriage was difficult. I didn't understand it myself let alone trying to explain to him what was going on...plus (of course) it was his fault, not mine. =)
Its funny though because even though I never let anyone get too close to me I desired their approval. I would work hard for their approval! I fought for it and made myself crazy if I didn't receive it.
I tried to make everything perfect. The perfect house, husband, kids...I had it all!
But really I was miserable...running down a road of self destruction.
I was in bondage to my past and to myself. I needed to be set free and didn't know how to even get out of this mess I was in. All I know is that I needed God.
Though I was raised in Sunday School, prayed the sinners prayer (several, maybe five) times, believed that their was a God, prayed to Him to get me out of situations (all the time), I can look back and say with confidence that I was not saved.
I was saying the words...but was not believing in my heart.
I self-governed my heart. I did not want it to be broken.
I needed God. I knew it. But how?
It was the day I had three kids loaded in the cart. Groceries loaded all around that I stood in the spiritual section of the book isle in Walmart. Tears streamed down my face. People looked at me but I didn't care.
I was exhausted.
I knew that God had to change my life.
I stood right there and prayed over the rows and rows of books. I asked Him to allow me to pick the right one. One that He would use in my life. I couldn't continue on this same way any longer.
I picked one. Checked out.
Through that book, the Lord brought me to Salvation by accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was 26 years old.
He has been so faithful these past ten (almost 11 years) to heal my broken heart bit by bit.
As I sat down to blog this morning it was going to be about something completely different! I don't know why He chose for me to share a bit of my story, but here it is. I know that many are hurting today but He is faithful and trustworthy to hold your heart! Turn to Him in all things! He loves you so very much!
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." ~Ephesians 3:16-18
I would love to pray for you today!
If you need prayer, would you please leave your request below?
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