Wednesday, June 22, 2011

When we fall...

Lola has recently learned how to ride her bike. She is eight years old and simply had no desire to do it before. She didn't even really ride her bike with training wasn't important, she didn't enjoy it and she complained every time we encouraged her to do it.

It wasn't until I kicked her out of the bike trailer that her "want too" changed. I know that eight sounds a little old to still be riding in a bike trailer -it IS! But she is just a tiny little thing and just slipped right in there with until this year we just went with it.

She actually learned VERY quickly and took off like a champ!! She rode every day, her balance getting stronger and stronger! I love watching and skirts, blowing in the wind! But after a couple of weeks she started backing off her practice time. First it was a couple of days between rides. entire week went by.

Maybe it lost the fresh excitement or maybe it was too hot or too much work. Maybe she just didn't want too. I asked her about it and she simply responded, "I know (sigh)" and trucked into the garage and fetched her bike out.

Off she went with a wobble, knuckles white and elbows out straight! Around the turn of the driveway she slowly went and CRASH! Legs and elbows scratched up and bleeding. She is upset. Upset that she fell, upset that she is hurting and upset that she "forgot" how to ride.

I cleaned her up. I loved her up and encouraged her to get right back on and try again. She was sorry and discouraged it had been so long she forgot. But she went out and picked up her bike...scared determination in her eyes.

She put that leg over, worked it around so she had a good starting petal...and with a big push, off she went again! Made it past the first big turn and then around the second. The more rounds the bigger the smile!

That afternoon she crashed a total of 3 times which is more than any other time she had ridden but she got back on and took off once more. I was so very proud of her!

This morning as I went for my run I was running through scripture verses in my mind. Remember this post? Well I quickly discovered that I couldn't completely remember most of them. Then I felt guilt ridden that I haven't stuck to my 2 verses a month! It had been since April that I had added a verse to my notebook...let alone continue memorizing what I had already THOUGHT I had learned. It had been so long that I had forgotten!

I struggled through the last of my run (the time that I have devoted to Him). Will I fail at this too? Will I mess up this commitment like I messed up and failed at my scripture memory?

When God brings things like this to the forefront of my mind, I have a tendency to beat myself up. Big Time! I know that we need to hear what God is speaking to us, repent with a pure heart and move forward...but I tend to linger -getting mad at myself.

I messed up again. Yep...failed again.

But God so lovingly brought Lola's bike riding to my mind. I looked through these pictures of her and my heart was full!

Where is my want to? What is my NEED to!! When we fall we need to get right back up. God's arms are big and will lovingly pick us back up! His word will encourage us and we need to dust off and keep going. I don't have to spend time with Him or memorize His word as a HAVE TO, I desire to want to!

It is more than simply being obedient. It is love! His love first for us and then our loving Him. I want to be obedient to what He calls me to do because I love Him. So often in my life I tried to be obedient for God to "love me more". To please God like I've tried to please people all these years and then of course fail and beat myself up for weeks.

I'm praying for my "want too" to change!

PRAISE God that He cares enough, loves enough to keep moulding me -each of us!

We will all fall. But it is getting back up and starting again.
I thank you Lord for the opportunity! =)

"Let your roots grow deep into Him and draw up nourishment from Him so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done." Colossians 2:7

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