I drop everything inside to sit out on the front porch.
It happened again...moments you just snap on the inside and ugliness explodes on the outside. Oh how many times I have done and regretted just this...
I still see the look on the face of the spirit that I crushed.
The situation had nothing to do with him...but ALL to do with me and what has crept up and crowded in my heart.
I look into teary eyes and ask for forgivness then together pray (over those Fruit Loops fussed over) to the One who continues and never rests to make "all things new".
The moment has passed and milk is loudly and happily slurped off the spoon, but my deep need to run to my knees grows strong.
As I sit here and ponder these thoughts my mind goes to that big thick patch of weeds I worked through a few weekends ago. Big, deep rooted thistles filled and crowded out the beautiful! The job seemed so big and overwhelming. How did it get like this anyway?? But one at a time I just kept working at it.
The scripture "Search me, O God and know my heart" (Psalm 139:23) came to mind that day as I was yanking, pulling and getting stickers stuck in my fingers... and it comes to me now as my heart feels like that big patch of weeds....such a mess that you really don't know where to start.
The weight feels heavy in my chest.
To ask God (who knows all and sees all anyway) to search me and know my heart? What a mess! I don't want to even look at it let along allowing God to shine His light on all the filth!
But isn't that what He desires us to do?
To have such a relationship with Him that we would run into His loving arms and pour our souls to him. Allow Him to search us and show us every single thorn of sin so instead of ignoring them or pretending they aren't there...they can be lovingly removed?
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
It hurts right now, the fresh wounds of an attitude and perspective being shifted...but oh, how I praise Him! I desire to be the best Wife and Mother that God has called me to be and that requires a death to the old self and way of dealing with frustrations.
It's like that little lady bug that I gently picked up and moved to a lush green plant...something much better awaits us when we're plucked up out of the thorns!
Thank you Lord for not giving up on us even when we feel like giving up on ourselves!